Painting by Andrew C.C. Huang
Poem by Andrew C.C. Huang
(Originally printed in Chien Kuan Poetry Quarterly)
Insomnia -- sleepless night
after tossing back and forth in bed
I get up to face this dreadful space and time
...throbbing thoughts in an expanding space
I start to face myself
my thoughts is a mirror that shines a light into my soul
reflection is the surface of the blue lake
throught which I dive into the water of my inner life
anger, love, lust, regret, frustration...
I swim amidst the currents of emotions that are my inner life
I swim along, contemplating on
why I have lost the loves of my life
whether it's through god's design
or by the choice of you and mine
for a night full of crowding darkness and shimmering thoughts
always make me reminisce about the loves of my life
Noise of TV... clamour of passing cars... loneliness
loneliness amidst noise is the most dreadful thing
I start to speak to myself
-- a conversation with my tightly controlled naked soul –
who are you? why are you here?
why were you loved, liked, despised or hated?
will your loves come back and will your foes leave?
I start to converse with my past loves
where have you gone to?
are you in heaven?
Or are you in your next life?
will you come back to me again?
I start to question god
why all these sadness and despair in life
for what godly purpose are these for
Insomnia...slowly fading away
sleepiness slowly creep up upon me
I look at the timid dawning lights and crawl into bed
to continue my conversation in another sleepless night
憤怒 愛慕 欲望 懊悔 失意
電視的吵聲 車輛的喧嘩 寂寞